At 33: hormones, emotions and introspection

To Myself,

Hi, how have you been the past year? How are you holdin’ up?
Last time I spoke to you, you’re depressed. You spent your birthday alone, where was your boyfriend that time? Oh yeah, sorry. You broke up, I remember. How long ago was it? Memories vague now? Good, that means you’re moving on. You’re on the right track, just don’t rush yourself into forgetting. In time, you will.

Your birthday is coming up, do you feel alone? Don’t. You have a loving family that others don’t have. That’s one major thing you could be thankful for. I understand it’s never the same when you’re in a relationship, But take it easy. Your time will come.

You’re turning 33, others your age are either married or having babies. Are you scared you might not have that? Yes, i know you are. But believe me, someone will come along who will appreciate you for who you are. Someone who will love your impulsive nature, your (sometimes) psychotic and multiple personality. Yes. You’re that crazy. But hear me when I say this, there’s nothing wrong with you. Not many people may understand you but cherish those who rarely do.

This may be a hormonal thing because your birthday is coming up in 4 days… don’t. Don’t go to that dark path again. He was an asshole for hurting you, you didn’t deserve it. I know at the back of your mind you tortured with WHAT IFs. I know you’re thinking – what if you had been more sweet, more appreciative, more caring than you were – he would have stayed. That’s not true, don’t torture yourself this way. You have to accept the fact that you did all you could but he was never willing to meet you halfway.

You maybe fat now (okay, overweight) but you are sexy in your own way. Someday, someone else will appreciate that in you. Smile more often, I would like to see you smile instead of this frown constantly shadowing your face.

Don’t be scared to feel pain. Believe me, it makes you stronger. Don’t be afraid to cry, it will ease up the tightness in your throat. For goodness sake, don’t be scared of becoming a girl! I know you hate emotional crap but hey, you’re a woman – you can be emotional anytime.

Don’t be afraid to love, I know you are scared of getting hurt.it’s part of it. You learn lessons every time. Don’t be afraid to express how you feel. You may never get the chance to do so.

Write more. you become a better person when you write and see your thoughts in writing and i know it’s therapeutic for you.

Lastly, believe in the sanctity of marriage, love and commitment. Believe that someday, someone will give you that one elusive thing you want – contentment. Happy endings do exist and he might just knock on your door one day. I just hope you’re not yet 80 by then 🙂

Your,
Other Self